Tolerance Through Intolerance

Don Imus was fired today for his comments regarding the Rutgers womens' basketball squad. With Imus off the air, we all look forward to CBS Corporation banning all rap artists and comedians who refer to women as "nappy headed ho's" from their airwaves. Oh, that's not going to happen? Well, we at least look forward to Al Sharpton finally retreating back to his New York- based race cave to wait for the next white person to make a mistake, which mistake-free Al has never done before. Oh, he's giving a press conference as I type? Damnit.

Also, Vai Sikahema a few minutes ago implied that the Duke lacrosse players, who didn't rape anyone, still shouldn't have been anywhere near that woman since they are (or were) Division I athletes. This obviously means it's okay to get strippers only if you go to Widener or Cabrini, and also that just because you play a big time sport (which lacrosse isn't) you shouldn't do what dudes like to do. My first week at college I went to 2 parties that featured strippers, they were awesome and full of athletes (if you count frisbee), and nothing bad came of them except for allegations of post-party masturbation in the house bathrooms. Vai Sikahema went to BYU; what does he know about collegiate temptation? Did someone once dare him to chug Scope? Anyway, it's bothersome that these Duke dudes, whose lives have been forever altered, are still made out to be villains, and that the nappy headed ho who accused them is basically off the hook. Notice I don't say their lives are ruined- they're white males who went to Duke; they'll be just fine.

I'm tired of hypocrisy, and the moral high ground pundits and media folks love to stand on when viewing things from afar. Real people say dumb things; they make off-color jokes; they like to see naked women. Athletes and entertainers, as high as people's opinions of them may be, can't help but be people. It's a condition they'll never shake.

PS- I hate Don Imus and am glad he's gone. Also, what he said was wrong.

Well.....We're Waiting

In his attempt to become a part Philadelphia folklore, Rod Barajas continued his torrid start to the season last night by going 0-2 at the plate. We are now eight games in the MLB season and Rod Barajas is still looking for that first pesky hit. I'm sure that once he breaks his 2007 cherry, the hits will just keep on coming. The bright side is that he did get on base twice, one time he was hit by a pitch and the other time intentionally walked, which raised his season OBP to a stellar .286.

The One That Got Away

The one player I had really hoped the Phillies would make a play for this past off-season was Japanese heartthrob/third baseman Akinori Iwamura. For whatever reason, they did not put in a bid for him to purchase his rights, which ended up going to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays for $4.1 million and they signed him to a three year contract for $7.7 million. Instead, they signed Wes Helms to play third base, who was coming off a career year with the Marlins (albeit not actually playing third base), to a two year deal for $5.5 million.

To put it lightly, Wes Helms has not been very good so far. He has put up an OPS of .703 an been a butcher in the field, like most people expected him to be.

On the other hand, Iwamura has an OBP of .559 and an OPS of 1.151. Not too shabby. But hey, at least Wes Helms has round eyes.

The Legend of Willie Green

Just a short post to explain something- we love Willie Green around here, even though "around here" is not a real place. We will often talk about him, berate him, and use him in other ways as we see fit (the idea of him, not his physical person). So why Willie Green? Well, he's quite fascinating. In many ways, he represents the ineptitude of the Sixers, and also helps demonstrate why it can be so hard to talk sports with people in Philly (or anywhere).

Green is a guy who looked like he could eventually morph into a steal from the awesome 2002 draft. But instead of getting better, he's gotten worse every year, culminating with this season's amazing 10.7 PPG on 11.4 Shots Per Game. And he's also a guy who, after blowing out his knee, was rewarded by the Sixers' brilliant super GM from Planet Basketball, Sir Billy King, with a 4-year deal. At least King didn't go through with offering the still-stupid 6-year deal Green had originally agreed to before he decided to go dunk on a 6th grader in a pickup game.

Green is an awful shooter who takes tons of woeful shots, and who also lost a step after he jammed his kneecap into some 3rd graders skull in a playground game. But you know who still loves him? Tons of morons around here. They see his "energy" and "desire" as making up for his "terrible, terrible shooting" and "team-ruiningness". When awful shooters like Willie Green are supported, Don Imus wins.

So as the Sixers' season comes to an unfortunate close (they can't win shit, but they can't tank properly either), I'll miss having Willie Green to knock around. But I'll be ready for November, and this year I'll finally have my cats trained to hiss at the sight of him or mention of his name. Right now all they do is poop on the floor when Samuel Dalembert shoots from further than 7 feet out, as do I.

Dennis Deitch's Dirty Fantasies

This is from Dennis Deitch's attempt at an article from the Daily Times. Apparently he is not satisfied with Jack McCaffery being the lead buffoon at the Daily Times.

A glimpse into the future: (A column from the Delaware County Daily Times, April 11, 2018, edition.)

You know what would be nice? Maybe a column for April 11, 2007 that could shed some insight on the current Phillies. But that would require actual work. So let's fill up half of the day's work with a piece of fiction.

NEW YORK -- You could swear that you saw the gray hair sprout from Ryan Howard’s scalp as he sat at his locker. The big first baseman showed that he still has something left in his 38-year-old body Tuesday when he hit homer No. 548 of his impressive career, tying Mike Schmidt for the most in Phillies history.

This would require Howard to average about 47 home runs a year for the next ten year. Obviously there is no one to compare Howard to by age, who had their first full season in MLB at age 26 and hit 58 home runs. But here is the list of players to average 47 home runs over a ten year span: Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa. And to say that they might have had a little help is an understatement. I don't think Mike Schmidt has anything to worry about from Ryan Howard.

Instead, the three-run lead the momentous home run provided Kyle Drabek went up in smoke as the veteran right-hander gave up a seventh-inning, bases-clearing triple to Jose Reyes in the Phillies’ 6-4 loss to the Mets at Google Park.

Get it? Google Park? Comedy and sportswriting. What a combination.

And so, Groundhog Day continues to arrive in April for the Phillies. The loss drops them to 1-6, the ninth time in the last 15 years that they have lost six of seven games to open the baseball season.

Does it matter how they finished in any of those 11 years of the future? Of course not. All that Dennis Deitch apparently cares about are the first seven games of the year.

This could be the final year Howard will be sent through this springtime ringer. He is in the final year of the 10-year, $200 million contract he signed following his second MVP season in 2008. Since then he has won two more MVP trophies, but that matters little when you have won exactly zero postseason games.

So now is where we get to Dennis Deitch predicting that the Phillies will win zero postseason games in the next ten years. IN THE NEXT TEN YEARS. Why is this even in a newspaper, albeit a suburban rag? Has Dennis Deitch discovered time travel? If so, I feel like this might be a bigger story than any Phillies beat articles he writes.

Maybe the Phillies will trade him to an American League team seeking a designated hitter down the stretch; maybe he’ll sign with an A.L. next year; maybe he’ll make a dignified exit and begin his inevitable, minimal, five-year waiting period for Cooperstown.

Still, the impending end of his no-October prison sentence in Philadelphia doesn’t soothe at the moment.

You can see the weight of these fruitless Aprils on Howard. They have weighed on his broad shoulders. No longer does he stand at his locker to go over the details; now he remains in his chair, weary from the repetitive nature that these poor starts have brought to his baseball career.

We have entered into the world of science fiction. The rest of the article is more garbage about things five to ten years into the future.

As Jim just wrote, Philadelphia sports writing is completely terrible. Imagine if a national political writer assigned to the campaign trail wrote an article talking about the country in ten years by just assigning future outcomes to political races. He would probably be fired. But apparently the Daily Times encourages its writers to waste both paper and people's time.

These Are Your Philadelphia 76ers

No Igoudala.

No Korver.

Bobby Jones starts and plays 25 minutes.

Louis Williams plays 30 minutes.

The Pacers are still fighting for the 8th seed in the East.

And somehow the Sixers manage to win. Even more surprising, Willie Green only takes 9 shots in the 35 minutes he is on the court. He must already be looking forward to his summer pickup games where it is actually acceptable to score less than one point per shot attempt.

Right now the Sixers are tied with Minnesota and Sacramento for the 9/10/11 spot in the lottery. Things are not looking good for getting a player even in the second tier of this year's draft crop. But hey, at least that second round pick they get from the Knicks this year will be a little bit higher.

Fire Pat Gillick. Wait, fire Pat Gillick?

Sam Donnellon writes today (here) that Pat Gillick is looking exceptionally scapegoaty and fireable since the Phillies are off to such an abominable start. Go ahead and read his article.

The first problem is he blames Pat Gillick for Freddy Garcia's arm troubles. How is that his fault? Garcia has thrown over 200 innings in all but one season, and that was 2000. There was no indication prior to signing him that his arm was about to fall off, which I believe it may have. Gillick went out and got a guy who looked like he would be a solid number 3 starter and innings eater, and then he got hurt. Shit happens. Also, Donnellon refers to Freddy as a "17-game winner." This is a good time to learn a little something- wins don't fucking matter as a pitching statistic. Garcia also had the highest ERA of his career last season, which means all those wins he "earned" were largely the result of having a productive offense in those games.

Okay, Gillick did mess up by not trading Lieber. Of course teams were probably not offering top prospects and hidden reserves of Nazi gold for his high-4's ERA and portly frame, so no big deal. Tom Gordon was fine and dandy last year; just because he started off slow this year doesn't mean he's washed up. They're fucking 7 games in. They're fucking 7 games in. Now I won't say that again, although you should keep that in mind. I lied. They're fucking 7 games in. Okay, done. And yes, they should have traded Aaron Rowand too, because he stinks. Of course he's stunk since day 1 on the Phillies, even with all his scrappiness. Because you know what's better than scrappiness in a baseball player? Hitting ability. But good luck trading him now that he obviously has 400/20 vision in the eye he messed up when he mistook the outfield wall for a fluffy cloud.

Donnellon mentions the trade the Braves made for Mike Gonzales, which was indeed a nice one. But what he fails to mention is this- the Braves have been a great organization for over a decade, so they have pieces to trade. The Phillies have been mismanaged for, let's see, wow, over 100 years, with the exception of the late 70's/early 80's. That's not all Gillick's fault. You know who Gillick probably would have had to give up for Gonzales? Chase Utley. Imagine the reaction from the press if he'd done that. They would have briefly taken their faces out of the free reporter food trough at the stadium and said "Mmna, mmnanna, stupid, mnn, trade, mnnana."

He then concludes with discussion of Charlie Manuel not being around for Game 161 (even though they play 162 games. Can someone explain why he wrote that?). But he doesn't mention Gillick himself getting canned; only his being responsible for Manuel's firing. But the title of the article is "Gillick earns spot on hot seat". So which the hell is it? Is Gillick on the hot seat with Manuel or not? And where exactly is this mythic hot seat? I hear about it all the time, yet most seats these days are cool to the posterior.

You know what the easiest, do-nothing job in Philly is other than mayor? Sportswriter. All you have to do is write angry diatribes against anyone involved with any aspect of any team and people will apparently eat it up. So watch out, Philadelphia Soul dance team- you've been looking lazy, and now you've been warned.

Don Imus Must Go

Don Imus got off easy.

In case your Internet connection filters out all non-sports/pornographic websites, “shock jock” Don Imus was suspended for two weeks after by his employers, CBS Radio and MSNBC, for referring to members of the Rutgers women's basketball team as "nappy-headed hos” when discussing the 2007 Women’s Final Four.

While I applaud CBS and MSNBC for taking some action, I feel they dropped the ball in amount of the punishment that they handed out to Mr. Imus. Both companies had a golden opportunity to send a message to not only their own employees, but to every citizen of this country. This was a chance to say, “America, we do not condone any discussion of women’s college basketball. Whether it be in the workplace or in your private homes, this topic should never be mentioned, because it is not worth mentioning. And we expect you to feel the same way”.

Unfortunately, this slap on the wrist will not deter Don Imus from talking about women’s college basketball in the future. And what if I overhear one of my subordinates talking about Pat Summit and how she devised a simple inbounds play so a 5’4 girl could hit an open 12-foot bank shot? Am I supposed to just let that slide? Because you know if I bring it up and try to discipline him, he’ll just use the excuse “Well if Don Imus can talk about women’s college hoops, then why can’t I?” Likewise if CBS and MSNBC, two large media companies, are going to give one of their most popular hosts a two week vacation for talking about the subject, I, as a small business, don’t have much recourse.

Now a lot of people are already waving their “Free Speech” card and stating that what Don Imus said is protected by the First Amendment. Well I’m sorry, but there are lines of decency that should not be protected by Free Speech, and talking about women’s college crosses that line. It is bad enough if you are flipping through the channels and you have to actually see these girls slowly plod up and down the court, missing layups and playing a style of basketball that was popular with America in 1953. But to have to actually listen to someone discuss the ugliness of the sport and expect you to be as interested as they are in it is too much for me to handle.

If CBS and MSNBC are truly represent the values of the American sports fan, they will eventually reach the same conclusion that I have: Don Imus Must Go.

Pat Burrell is good for you, Phillies fans

As far as I can tell, people have been down on Pat Burrell since he threw up on the birthday cake at his friend Steven Chalmers' third birthday party. Since then he has been booed mercilessly anytime he plays baseball, goes food shopping, or hides out in the woods to avoid being booed.

I've spent a good portion of time defending Burrell for the past 2 or 3 years. Not just because he boldly refuses to shave or wax his chest, but also because he's just not as bad as most Phillies fans think he is. In the early going this season, as painful as it has been for the team, Burrell has done more than anyone expected. He has a 1.061 OPS and has been almost competent in the field. But fans are just waiting for him to return to his "crappy" persona, the overpaid one they believe is part of a vast worldwide conspiracy to further ruin the Phillies with walks and the music of Ronnie James Dio (I am sad he's changed his at-bat music).

So what happens if Burrell reverts to his form from previous seasons (except 2003- yeech)? Well, as much as it may pain people to read this, the Phillies will still have an above-average offensive player on their hands. The horror! I can be persuaded that Burrell is vastly overpaid for his production, but so are quite a few professional athletes- like all of them. For a more team specific example than "all of them", look at Jimmy Rollins, a player I like a great deal. For the $8 million he'll make this season to hit leadoff and play SS, chances are the Phils will get a .330-.340 OBP out of him, a good amount of HR's, good D, and a bunch of SB's. Burrell, although not fearsome on the base paths (unless falling down is fearsome) or with the leather like Rollins, will make up for that with his OBP and power production, and in fact will most likely contribute more runs created than Rollins will this year. Yet if Burrell made $8mil a year, everyone would still cry that he makes too much, whereas Rollins is considered to be a fairly priced talent. Sure, $13 million is a lot to pay for an .890 OPS, but I'll be damned if there aren't a whole bunch of worse contracts out there. I'm sure someone is still paying Albert Belle to this day, and he hasn't been in the league since 2000.

Of course, it's not just about numbers, especially in Philly (or Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Chicago, Milwaukee, Boston, New York, etc.). People love Rollins because he told the world that the Phillies are the team to beat in the NL East, which they are proving to be correct in the opposite way of what Jimmy meant. But fans hate Burrell because he's overpaid (can't stress that enough), lacks "passion" (which is really a bigger problem for marriages than baseball players), and their girlfriends think he has a nice ass. For his sake, hopefully Pat Burrell hits 49 homers this season, vows to fight the entire Mets lineup in a steel cage, and gets cottage cheese ass so bad it's visible through his pants. Then maybe he'll finally get the acceptance that professional athletes so desperately crave according to fans, pundits, and other people who don't even know professional athletes.