The Enemy Within

It seems as though Ed Wade is doing his best to ruin the Houston Astros' chances of competing for the playoffs before they even play one game.

Like most other analysts, I thought the Phillies got the better of the Brad Lidge/Michael Bourn trade, though Wade has always been obsessed with the idea of a speedy guy at the top of the lineup. But his latest move is just mind blowing.

The Astros reportedly have agreed with free-agent second baseman Kaz Matsui on a three-year contract worth $15 million.

Maybe Wade thought he was signing Hideki Matsui. Three years and 15 million dollars for Kaz Matsui? I can think of a number of reasons why this is going to turn out to be a disaster for the Astros.

1. Kaz Matsui has a career OBP of .325. Before he went to the hitters paradise that is Coors Field, his career OBP was .314. Atrocious is a word that comes to mind when I look at those numbers.

2. At first glance, Matsui's numbers for 2007 look decent enough, .747 OPS with 32 stolen bases. All one has to do is look at his home/road splits to see how much Coors Field pumped up his numbers. On the road, he put up .249/.304/.333. Yes, you are reading that right, on the road Matsui produced an OPS of .637 that would make Abraham Nunez proud.

3. Matsui's only decent attribute is his base stealing ability. He is 32 years old. Hmmmm, I wonder what age does to baseball players that rely on speed?

With Bourn and Matsui at the top of the lineup, I imagine there will be quite a few instances this year when the Astros #3 batter is up with two outs in the first inning.

The Soft Pretzel Factory

You know when things aren't going your way? When you try to throw a FF game and your team scores two TDs in the first quarter of the Thursday night game. Grrrr.

Anyways, it is very slow now in the Philadelphia sports world as the vultures continue to circle and have started to peck at Donovan McNabb to see if still able to fight back. So as opposed to ranting about one issue, I will take on a few issues.

According to Jayson Stark, there are six teams trying to sign Randy Wolf but the Phillies amped up their pursuit this week by getting nearly every one of their top executives on the phone with him personally.

I'm glad that Pat Gillick and the Phillies are modeling their free agency pursuits after the college football recruiting process. I think the next step is for them to give his brother a job as the assistant athletic director. Seriously, if they want to sign Wolf, give him a two year deal. But don't leak stories like these to Jayson Stark. It just makes the Phillies front office come off more out of touch than they even are.

Recent internet rumors have Andre Miller being traded to the Miami Heat for Jason Williams.

You know when would have been a good time to trade Andre Miller? Six months ago before the draft to a team like the Atlanta Hawks who had two first round picks and really needed a point guard. But why get maximum value for one of your assets when you can wait a year and get fifty cents on the dollar? That's Billy King's motto and he's sticking to it.

Miller is averaging 5.1 assists per 40 minutes. That is two assists lower than his previous career low. While his shooting percentage has been decent, his value lies in the fact that he is a traditional point guard. And those skills are obviously starting to deteriorate. As opposed to getting actual value for Miller, the Sixers will probably end up taking expiring contracts so Billy King can figure out a way to further screw up the Sixers 2008 off-season.

According to the Philadelphia Daily News worthless new Phillies beat writer Steve King, the Phillies are rumored to be interested in trading for Orioles third baseman Melvin Mora.

In order to "break" this story, Steve King took a story from the Baltimore Sun and reprinted it. This would work in 1987 when people outside of Baltimore did not have access to the Baltimore Sun. Unfortunately the year is 2007 and we all have the Internet.

Now as far as Melvin Mora goes, there is one interesting fact about him that stands out to me: He stinks. He stunk last year and he stunk in 2006. His last good year was 2005. MLB started testing for performance enhancing drugs after 2005. Coincidence? Maybe, but I like accusing rich people of illegalities so bare with me. He will also be 36 at the start of this season and has two years left on his contract for a total of 18 million dollars.

Even when Aaron Rowand leaves, the Phillies will still have a good offense. Will it be head and shoulders above the rest of the NL like it was last year? Probably not. But the slight upgrade that Mora provides over the Phillies' current options is definitely not worth paying 9 million a year for.

Last night against the Utah Jazz, Willie Green went to the free throw line a season high 7 times, making 6 of them.

He also went 2-10 from the field to reduce his shooting percentage on the year to a chilly .376. For the year, Whistlin Willie is averaging a scorching 0.95 points per shot attempt. If the Sixers as a team averaged 0.95 points per shot attempt, they would score 75 points a night. Willie also currently ranks 258th out of 300 players in John Hollinger's Player Efficiency Ratings.

Seriously, can the Sixers just trade Miller, sit Green and see if Louis Williams and Iguodala can play in the back court together? Enough already.

Should Donovan McNabb be killed?

(This is a super serious editorial I have written to broaden our appeal to Philadelphia sports fans)

After last night's clear moral victory that strangely still counts as a loss according to the archaic NFL rules, it's plainer than ever that AJ Feeley is, without hyperbole, the best quarterback in Eagles' history. But it seems there is still a question as to whether he will remain the starter this Sunday or if he will be replaced by the listless, decrepit, and Holocaust-denying Donovan McNabb. It is this quarterback controversy which leads us to the true fundamental question the Eagles must face as they head into their showdown with the Seahawks and their final 5 games of the season- should Donovan McNabb be bound and gagged and thrown into an active volcano, or shouldn't he?

As recently as 2004 I would have said "NO. Do not kill Donovan McNabb, even if it is to feed hungry pitbulls who would gladly feast on his innards." But in the bright glow of the radiance of AJ Feeley, I'm not so sure I'm opposed to the concept. On paper, the case can be made that Donovan should be this team's quarterback. He's had an excellent career and they've won a whole lot of games with him at the helm. But on another sheet of paper, I have drawn a picture of Donovan being horribly mangled in the propeller of a large airplane, and it just feels right.

There are other reasons to take McNabb out behind the Linc and put two in his skull as well. For one, he still hasn't won a Super Bowl. AJ Feeley hasn't won one either, but at least he wants to. McNabb probably would rather get injured than win, because that's what he likes to do. Also, McNabb has never won the MVP. AJ Feeley basically sealed his MVP award last night by throwing an equal amount of interceptions and touchdowns, demonstrating that the balance he brings to the Eagles is unparalleled, and that McNabb needs to be assassinated via injection with ricin pellets like Bulgarian dissident Georgi Markov was in 1978.

Is it the end of the world if Number 5 isn't crushed by one of those swinging two-tree thingys like the AT-ST was during the Battle of Endor in Return of the Jedi? Of course not. Even if he returns to being the starter, there is always a chance that AJ Feeley will grant McNabb an audience and then tutor him. And he'll probably end up injured again anyway, since he doesn't play hard and is always getting hurt because of it. But why risk a McNabb return when you can guarantee several years of Feeley (and therefore Super Bowl wins and low unemployment with low inflation)just by inserting an ice pick into the base of his skull? It's the only unselfish choice for the team, and for America.