Pat Must Go- The Website

http://www.patmustgo.com/index.html

The above link is to a website where you can pledge money toward buying out Pat Burrell's contract so the Phillies can dump him. This is the kind of Phillies fans' behavior I've learned to expect and yet will never understand.

It's no secret that Pat Burrell, his recent hot streak aside, is loathed by most Phillies fans for his apparent underachieving. As I've said before, I've spent way too much time and energy defending the guy. But here we go again-

1. Pat Burrell is an above average offensive player- almost every season. His one truly bad year was 2003- 4 YEARS AGO. Get over it, people. His past 3 seasons (including this one) have all been very good, and are his best other than his monster 2002.

2. The man is never going to hit 45 home runs a year, and yes he's going to strike out like he gets a free large Capogiro gelati for each one. But he also gets on base a ton, meaning he's very good at the important act of not making outs, and he actually does have very good power.

3. Even though he appears to be the laziest left fielder in baseball, he is perfectly average at the position (http://www.baseballprospectus.com/dt/burrepa01.php). The man is just slow; but he's trying his damnedest.

4. The claim of Burrell not being able to hit with RISP is BS. Over his career, he bats almost the same with RISP as without- just like almost ALL players. Clutch hitting is, for the most part, a myth- do a Google search and learn.

Yes, he is probably overpaid for the good offense and mediocre defense he provides, as are many, many major league players. He makes around the same as guys like Alfonso Soriano, Aramis Ramirez, and Carlos Lee, and over the past 3 years has had a similar RC/27 to all 3 of them. And sadly if Pat Burrell was any of those 3 men, Phillies fans would be overjoyed to have him on the team. But since here he's the demon hellspawn Pat Burrell, he's destined to suffer the insults of people who refuse to accept the truth- that Pat's okay.

The heated Aaron Rowand debate- coming soon

It's not super-heated yet, but the fans' debate over whether to re-sign local god Aaron Rowand is going to be a humdinger. On one side will be the majority, which will most likely be those who feel Rowand should be re-signed, (almost) no matter what the cost, because of his hard-nosed (and broken-nosed HA HA) play, grittiness, and other non-quantifiable attributes which better describe construction workers than athletes. On the other side are me and about 27 other Phillies fans who say "let him walk." Of course for a reasonable amount of money (like, $5 million a season, for 4 years), I'd love to have him back- I do think he's a great guy to have on the team and a decent player. But is a guy who is

1. Going to be 30 at the end of this month
2. Having a career year (okay, to be fair- for the second time)
3. Uncomfortable looking in that weird stance of his

worth giving Eric Byrnes-like money to? The answer you're looking for is "no". If the market for Aaron Rowand dictates a $10 million+ per year deal for 3 or more seasons, it's simply a mistake to re-sign him. He's not worth that kind of cash- he's an average fielder with a penchant for facial lacerations and, for his career, a very slightly above average hitter.

I understand that he has the "intangibles" that get most Phillies' fans all frothy with delight, but $10 million a year is a lot of scratch, you know? The Phillies don't have the infinite money of the Red Sox or Yankees; nor do they have a wealth of A+ prospects waiting in the minors. They're going to need to spend some serious chunks of their very finite money on a pitching staff these next few years if they want to win while Chase Utley and Ryan Howard are in their primes.

It'd be best for the Phils to just say thanks for playing here to Mr. Rowand, and move on and let the Michael Bourn era begin. Yes, it is time to move on, to make another awful signing like Adam Eaton, or to trade for another bust like Freddy Garcia. Or Jon Lieber. Man, that's depressing. Ah screw it- on second thought, maybe they should bring Rowand back and hope for the best. The Phillies really suck at evaluating pitching; they need to score all the runs they can.

In defense of... Adam Eaton? Are you nuts?

Obviously I am not defending Adam Eaton here. There is very little love for him in these parts. Yet someone I was talking to earlier today came to his defense during my brief bashing of him and his 6.09 ERA by saying "Yeah, but he's 9-7. That's not bad."

Yes, this is true; he has 9 wins and 7 losses, good for a .563 winning percentage. Hmmm, not too shabby. Oh wait, that's right- ADAM EATON DOES NOT WIN OR LOSE BALL GAMES ALL BY HIMSELF. Actually, he does lose some all by himself. But overall, baseball is a game played by teams. Yes, you heard it here first- teams. And that team plays offense as well as defense (which here includes pitching). Adam Eaton's team just happens to be spectacular on offense, including when he pitches. In 7 of the games he's been credited with a W, the Phils scored 5 or more runs. That's good run support. It is the offense that is winning most of these games, not the very hitable Adam Eaton. He ain't winning a thing other than the contempt of throngs of local pretzel-eating beercaholics (beercaholics are like alcoholics, but for beer).

Hey, here's something- Johan Santana is just 11-9 this year even though he has a 2.98 ERA and a WHIP of 1.03, both of which are way below league average. What, only a .550 winning percentage, Johan? You need to do more to win ball games, pal. Maybe you can DH yourself and hit home runs! No? Well then, you obviously are just a very average pitcher, and I hate you.

Wins are the stupidest measurement of a pitchers ability or value ever, so please don't use them to demonstrate a point in an argument with me. Thank you.

F them D-Bags

Bill James, the much-reviled-by-traditionalists baseball writer and "sabermetrician" (aka nerd to all of you who hate logic and reason), once wrote "One-run games involve a huge amount of luck. This may be the only safe statement that can be made about them." And although I don't really believe in luck, I am willing to believe in the randomness of one-run games, and therefore it is safe to say the Phillies have been one of baseball's randomest teams this year. They currently have the worst record in baseball in one-run games - 6 wins, 19 losses. That is pretty atrocious and has absolutely killed them this year.

I went back and looked at their 19 one-run losses and didn't really notice a theme. 11 of them were lost in the 8th inning or later, which means they may have been lost due to the awfulness of the bullpen; but a lot of those games were 3-2 and 4-3, which means the offense should probably bear the blame for the L.

Interestingly, they've lost several of these close games to the Arizona Diamondbacks, who are on the flip-side of the same coin. The D-Bags (whoops, Backs) have gone 25-15 in one run games this year, which has largely helped them achieve their 1st-place worthy 63-50 record despite the fact that they've given up 29 more runs this year than they've scored. Their pitching staff, even without the aged giant rat-man Randy Johnson, has been very good. Bead spokesperson Brandon Webb (pictured above for some reason) has filthy stuff, and they have a great bullpen. But they have a terrible, terrible offense- and they play in a hitters' park. Their lineup is Eric Byrnes and a bunch of guys who I'm surprised made it past T-Ball. Actually, most of them aren't far removed from t-ball- they have one of the youngest regular lineups in baseball. But that doesn't mean they have to suck at hitting the baseball.

What is the point of this article? Actually, there isn't one. I just want to suplex every media person who thinks the Diamondbacks are good and wanted a segue into writing about them; that's all. I can't wait to see them collapse in September. However, I can wait to eat some undelicious crow when they're in the playoffs in October after finishing one game ahead of the Phils in the Wild Card race.

New Yorkers

I like the City of New York. That does not mean that I like the people that live in New York, particularly people that have lived there for the duration of their lives. Here are some selections from the article on the fella that retrieved A-Rod's 500th Home Run.

After the 6-foot-4-inch Walter Kowalczyk caught the ball, he used his roughly 250-pound frame to protect his prize from a scrum of crazed fans Saturday.

He was retrieved by stadium security guards who took him to a suite to watch the rest of the game and then drove him home.

I don't know why they the article would need to mention both his height and his weight. That is just strange.

Brian Kowalczyk said his brother has been considering going on a New York sports radio show, "Mike and the Mad Dog," to ask the hosts' opinion on what to do with the ball.

Larry King: Tonight we have with us the winner of last week's 450 Million Dollar Powerball Lottery, Rob Galvan. Rob, the question I have for you is, what are you going to do with that money?

Rob Galvan: I don't know Larry. What do you think I should do with the money?

King: If it were me, I'd invest all of it in Garlique.

I mean, I can think of probably 4000 people off the top of my head whose opinion I would value over two guys who have trashed A-Rod mercilessly for the past three seasons. I presume the guy just wants to get exposure, hence this awfully written press release, but part of me believes the guy is dumb enough to take Mike and the Mad Dog's advice into consideration.
Brian Kowalczyk said his brother, a big fan of Derek Jeter and former Yankees star Don Mattingly, used his entire savings to buy his season tickets and has been going to every game he can.

Ok. They are obviously big Yankee fans. But then I read this:

Brian Kowalczyk said Monday that his brother, a lifelong Yankees fan, was forced to sell his house after being unemployed for a spell.

Are you kidding me? The dope has to sell his house, yet he keeps his season tickets? I can see why he is going to WFAN for financial advice.

The Phillies are off today. I didn't watch any of the games this weekend and my heart is that much better for it.