From Jim Salisbury’s article in the Inquirer today-

It's been nearly six months since the team traded for Freddy Garcia and manager Charlie Manuel uttered the words "I'd say we picked us up an ace."

Garcia hasn't pitched like anything close to one in his first four starts for the Phils.

This is retarded for two reasons- one, Charlie Manuel obviously doesn’t know what constitutes an ace pitcher. Garcia has had one great season in his career, and that was in 2001 when he threw 238 2/3 innings and had a 3.05 ERA. Maybe 9/11 really messed him up, because he hasn’t had an ace-like year since then (okay, maybe 2004 before he got traded from Seattle). Two, why would you believe Manuel when he said they picked up an ace? All anyone had to do is check out Garcia’s career stats and he or she would clearly see that while he has been a very reliable, decent starter, he ain’t no ace.

What the Phillies and everyone else should have expected Garcia to be is an innings-eater who starts 30+ games a year and pitches just well enough to give you a chance to win if you have a good offense, which the Phillies do. But to expect him to come in here at age 32 (while pitching half his games in the hitter’s haven that is Citizen’s Bank Park) and have something like an ERA in the 3.50 and under range is sheer looniness because nothing in his past points to that being a reasonable expectation. Also, it doesn’t matter that Garcia won 17 games last year, because wins are almost pointless as a pitching stat; he had great run support in most of the games he started in 2006. But he didn’t pitch all that well.

Yes, Garcia has been horrid this year; he should be much better than the garbage he’s been tossing. Maybe it’s the tendonitis in the bicep still messing him up, or maybe it’s that Philadelphia just seems to sap the talent and liveliness out of the athletes who come here with its plentiful fatty foods and miserable fan base. But there’s still plenty of time for him to turn it around and turn into the non-ace that he truly is.

Thank You ESPN

Should I watch Jericho or the Phillies on ESPN? Great question. Fortunately, ESPN made my decision very easy by assigning Chris Berman and Steve Phillips to announce the game. I don't think it would be possible for ESPN to pair two individuals whose baseball acumen I respect less. It is like some executives from ESPN were out at the Bristol Chili's, tossing back a few Bud Lites, and someone threw out the question, "What is the worst possible pairing we could produce for a Wednesday night baseball game". After a few guys threw out some suggestions, one of the younger guys shouted out "Berman and Phillips!" and everyone else around the table just nodded in agreement. Instead of keeping the joke to themselves, they decided to share it with the rest of the country.

The game itself wasn't worth watching. Garcia wasn't very good. The lineup wasn't very good. Howard struck out three times and hit a three run home run. Burrell's slide continued. Rollins continues his impressive streak of not walking. Barajas' two game climb to the HOF was stalled by an 0-4 tonight. And Wes Helms still stinks. At least Geoff Geary pitched well.

Now they fly to San Francisco tonight to face the Giants tomorrow. Adam Eaton against Matt Cain. Mismatch would be an understatement for this pairing. Blugh.

The J-Ro Walk Watch

Apparently Jimmy Rollins' newfound power has convinced him that his best approach at the plate is to make contact, walks be damned.

In Rollins first eight games, he walked eight times. So while he was only hitting .269, his OBP was a stellar .457.

In Rollins last 18 games, including tonight's, he has walked once. Yes, just one time in his last 86 plate appearance over that time, Jimmy Rollins, the Phillies leadoff hitter has walked a grand total of one time. So while his batting average has risen to .297, his OBP has dropped to .381. This would still qualify as a career high, but the current trend does not bode well. Eventually teams are going to pick up on this trend and Rollins will have to start walking again or swinging at bad pitches.

Andruw Jones just hit a walk off against Six Fingers. I believe the fountain of youth that Alfonseca was drinking from during the first two weeks of the season has run completely dry. We are now seeing the Antonio Alfonseca that was available to any team for the major league minimum. But hey, at least Brett Myers is getting his one inning of work in a night. Ugh, this team drives me crazy. And watching 24 re-use plots from previous seasons doesn't make it any better.

Report on the Annual NFL Disappointment Selection Process

First off, big thanks to Mark DLV for holding the place together while I was on the disabled list. I would have just written “on the DL” but you can’t do that anymore, thanks to the underground of ultra-closeted gay black men.

The NFL Draft took place this weekend and I didn’t see a minute of it because I was busy moving. This is actually the first time since before I was sexually mature (as if I am now) that I missed the draft. I didn’t miss much- the biggest story to come out of the draft weekend was New England trading for Randy Moss. Not only will the trade make JaMarcus Russell’s life in Oakland a whole lot harder, but it also signals (along with drafting Brandon Meriweather and signing Donte Stallworth) that Bill Belichik is convinced he’s Lee Marvin’s character in The Dirty Dozen.

The Eagles smartly traded out of the first round of what was probably the weakest draft of the century. But what they did with their first second-rounder was a real noodle scratcher. Kevin Kolb is the definition of a mid-major “system quarterback”; a guy whose talents worked well in a wide-open, college-style passing offense against inferior opponents, which means he will therefore have a brief but awful NFL career. Best case scenario is he’s Tim Rattay; worst case, he’s EVERY OTHER QB WHO FITS HIS PROFILE. Actually, there are reasons to have some faith in Kolb; he’s probably not going to be David Klingler or Andre Ware. He had a very high completion percentage this season and started for 4 years at Houston, although only 2 of those seasons were really impressive (freshman and senior years, oddly enough). But drafting him 36th overall was a reach, considering there’s a 95% chance he would have been there still at 57.

As for the rest of the Eagles’ picks, one to really like is LB Stewart Bradley from Nebraska in the third round. Yeah, they’ve gone LB crazy recently, but this is a guy who will be a huge help on special teams and in 2 or 3 years should be competing for a starting job at OLB. Victor Abiamiri, the ND guy they took with their second second-round pick, is a decent looking DE; we’ll see if he’s big and quick enough to be a physical end in the NFL, because he’s probably not fast enough to be a speed rusher (quickness and speed are different, folks). The CB’s they took are good athletes but aren’t very good football players. Tony Hunt is the big RB everyone has been foaming at the mouth for, but may not be able to adjust to the NFL since he won’t be able to run everyone over anymore. I know almost nothing about the other big RB they took, the guy from Hawaii. Also, they took a TE, a position that bores me immensely; don’t ask why.

It seems harsh to rag on these guys who haven’t even played a down of NFL football, but the fact is most of them will be out of the league within 3 years, either because they’ll get their knees mangled or they’ll just suck at playing football. If one of these guys becomes an All-Pro and one becomes a decent starter, that’s a huge triumph. It’s extremely difficult to transition from collegiate-level game speed to NFL game speed; this is no secret. Some guys’ brains and bodies just can’t do it. And you just never know with the NFL Draft; I called this draft extremely weak, but who knows what’ll happen? The seeming randomness of who succeeds in the NFL makes it really, really amazing that Mel Kiper, Jr. has a job.

Five other things about the NFL Draft-

-JaMarcus Russell will have a short and unspectacular career, a la Tim Couch and Akili Smith. He’s going into a bad situation and is not particularly good at playing quarterback. Brady Quinn will make the Pro Bowl the year before Russell is forced out of the league; 2010. The Raiders made an awesome move taking Michael Bush though. And they had so many picks at least 2 of them will pan out.

-What an underwhelming crop of players this was. I saw most of the top-20 picks play a couple times this year and none of them jumped out as a future All-Pro except Amobi Okoye, who is frigging 19 years old, and LaRon Landry, who is damn awesome. I’m sure others will be good, but I don’t see how any of them is going to be great.

-Picks that were very good- Brady Quinn to the Browns at 22, Marshwan Lynch at 12 (if he can stay out of prison) and Paul Posluaznuynzy at 34 to the Bills, Steve Smith to the Giants 51st overall, John Beck to Miami at 40, Antonio Pittman to the Saints at 107, and the intriguing Okoye at 10 to the Texans.

-Crap picks- JaMarcus Russell, Calvin Johnson to the Lions at 2 (I think he’s going to be awesome, but Matt Millen just doesn’t get it), Ted Ginn to Miami at 9, Dwayne Bowe to KC at 23, Robert Meachem to NO at 27, Craig Davis to San Diego at 30, and why the hell do I hate WR’s so much? I blame Freddie Mitchell. The DE Chicago took at the end of rd. 2 was pretty nutty as well.

-Everything I wrote is probably wrong.

Fact Checking 101

Every Sunday, the Philadelphia Inquirer allows Don McKee to share his thoughts on the Philadelphia Sports World in his column, Incites, which is ironical in itself as the column is never insightful or inciting. It's never even interesting. The following was printed in his column today:

The only team from Boston, New York or Philadelphia to make the playoffs in the NBA or NHL this season was the Islanders, a stepchild most Noo Yawk-ahs scorn. The Bruins, Celtics, Rangers, Knicks, Flyers and Sixers all have been on the golf course for weeks.

That must be a different Rangers team that is taking on the Sabres this afternoon in second round of the Stanley Cup playoffs.

Either the Inquirer's cutbacks have really hit the editing department hard, or they just figure that no one really reads McKee's weekly drivel. Probably the latter.

The Worst .300 Hitter Ever

"Wes Helms isn't that bad. He is hitting .300"

If anyone says this to you, either headbutt them or just walk away. Because they have no idea what they are talking about.

Yes, Wes Helms is hitting .301 right now. He has 22 hits, 18 of which are singles. That equates out to a stellar .356 SLG. But if he's hitting .301, he must have a great OBP, right? Oh of course not. He has only walked 5 times this year, a walk rate of 1 walk per 15.2 plate appearances (his career rate is 1 per 13.1 plate appearnces), which is an OBP of .338. Add all that up and you have an OPS of .694, good for 10th among 3rd basemen in the NL. For a comparison, David Bell had an OPS of .743 last year with the Phillies.

Only David Bell could field. Helms is an absolute butcher at third, currently sporting the second worst fielding percentage for a third baseman in the majors.

But he was the only third baseman available right? Of course not. Though Akinori Iwamura just went on the DL, he is currently hitting .339 with an OPS of .961. Wouldn't be a bad replacement for Helms, eh?

Maybe Helms will start getting some extra base hits. Maybe he will figure out how to play an adequate third base. But right now he stinks, both on offense and defense.

Is Today The Day Cole Hamels Strikes Out 27 Batters?

Top of Sixth: I'm bad luck. I'm done with this for today.

Bottom of Fifth: Here is just a ridiculous set of stats. Below are the OPS for Brian Schneider from 2004-2006 against the teams in the NL East.

Mets: .646 OPS
Braves: .592 OPS
Marlins: .596 OPS
Phils: .891 OPS

250 to 300 points higher against the Phillies? How is that even possible?

Phils offense is putrid right now. They need some baserunners.

Top of Fourth: Dmitri Young closed his eyes and hit a home run to RF. Hamels with two more strikeouts. Bleh.

Top of Third: Hamels strikes the leadoff hitter out for the third straight time. He threw maybe six pitches that inning. It is ridiculous how good he is.

Top of Second: I remember a time earlier this season when Jimmy Rollins would actually take pitches. Apparently they feel as those their best chance to get on base is to swing at anything. It probably won't take too long for other teams to figure this out as well.

Kearns breaks up the perfect game with a weak single up the middle. Hamels got another K and got the other two outs easily. This game is sailing along.

Top of First: Who put Sarge Matthews in charge of the Keys to the Game? You could get more insight by asking the grass their opinion. Hamels with only one strikeout in the first inning, the other two outs came via foul outs. I really think the Phillies may want to re-think their strategy and let foul balls drop. Sure they would be giving away out, but I feel that opposing teams would be much more intimidated by Hamels if he were allowed to strike them all out.

Pre-Game: Three of the batters, excluding the pitcher, in Washington's lineup have an OBP under .282. That is impressive. What is not impressive is The White Stripes new single, which XM won't stop playing, that basically is a Black Sabbath cover. Only not.

Pre-Game: The Washington Nationals barely have a major league lineup. Cole Hamels is the greatest pitcher since, well ever. I'm expecting at the very least a no-hitter.

I'm going to live blog the game, as long as it is over by the time I want to leave work. This will be an interesting experiment.