The Only NFL Draft Preview You Need If You Are A Fan of the Philadelphia Friggin Eagles

Here are three interesting facts that very few people know about me:

• My lucky number is a fraction (5/12!!!)
• Though when people discuss scenes from the movie I always nod my head in agreeance, I've never seen Braveheart
• I am an Expert Prognosticator when it comes to the NFL Draft.

Without further ado, behold my 2008 NFL Eagles Draft Preview (for the first three rounds)

Round 1 (Pick 19)
Best Case: Because of rumors of addiction to JuJubes and video games, Glenn Dorsey takes part in a monumental draft slide and is available at Pick 19. After a lot of thought (and Tastykakes), Andy Reid rolls the dice and selects Dorsey. Reid tries to get Dorsey on the phone to congratulate him, but Dorsey is too busy creating a Mii of himself with an Eagles jersey to import into Madden '08.
Worst Case: After wasting their first pick in last year's draft on Kevin Kolb, the Eagles decide that they would like to have a real competition for the backup quarterback position and select Joe Flacco, the QB from U of Delaware. Jay Fielder declines to comment on the pick.
Most Likely Case: Aqib Talib, the corner back from Kansas. The over/under on the time it takes someone to call WIP with the question, "Why did we just pick a terrorist instead of ...." is 7 minutes and 24 seconds after the pick is announced.

Round 2 (Pick 49)
Best Case: After the first round, it becomes much harder to project the draft picks, mainly because of trades and the fact that I haven't heard of any of the guys that are still available. So I think the best case scenario is that they trade this pick and Lito Sheppard to move up in the draft to take someone I've heard of. Like James Hardy.
Worst Case: In an attempt to draft more local players to appease the drunk fans, Reid selects Ray Rice, RB from Rutgers. With Westbrook and Buckhalter already in at the first two spots of the depth chart, Rice will most likely sit most of the season or be converted to a middle linebacker. Great value pick.
Most Likely Case: Duane Brown, offensive tackle from Virgina Tech. Two reasons: Andy Reid loves sitting next to offensive linemen at press conferences to make himself look thinner and 04/16/07 - Never Forget.

Round 3 (Pick 80)
Best Case: This is where the Eagles scouting pays off. With the 80th pick, the Eagles select Raymond Alafoutise, a 6'7 265 pound physical specimen from Harare, Zimbabwe. Though he has never played American Football in his life, Alafoutise can run a 4.2 40 yard dash (in his bare feet), can bench 225 pounds 54 times (ableit 225 pounds in artillery shells), can kick a ball (soccer) over 85 yards. It was Reid's wife who discover Alafoutise from a Mormon Mission brochure on Zimbabwe. It is projected that Alafoutise will play both offense and defense, but will not be given a position. The Eagles staff will just point at players and expect Alafoutise to destroy them.
Worst Case: After losing a golf bet to John Chaney, Reid is forced to pay up and selects Gary Stockman, WR from Temple. Though he has no official stats from his playing days at Temple, Stockman's unique stature (5'6 160 pounds) makes him the smallest non-kicker in the NFL. This could be another Vince Papale story in the making. Or not.
Most Likely Case: Andre Caldwell, wide receiver from Florida. Because Florida receivers have panned out so well in the NFL.

That is it. You are welcome.