You want it, you got it

Charlie Manuel on the Phillies offensive problems-

"I'm puzzled by it," he said. "I'm open for suggestions. I'll listen to what anybody's got to say. Fans. Cab drivers. President Bush. Anybody."

Well, Charles, here are a few suggestions for an offense that has gone .202/.303/.351 for the month of August-

1. Stop batting Jimmy Rollins leadoff.

In his last 8 games, Jimmy "Boo Berry" Rollins has an overall OBP of .167. His OBP for the season leading off the game or an inning is .243. It's hard to set the table well when the silverware is tarnished and the dinner plates are moldy and disgusting. The solution here is simple- try Shane Victorino. He has a career .347 OBP when leading off a game or inning, which is not great but is a huge improvement over Jimmy, who has never been great as a leadoff hitter; sadly, other than last season, he hasn't been great batting in any other slot either.

2. Ryan Howard should not be batting cleanup vs. lefties.

Even batting him 7th would be questionable this season. He has a career OPS vs. LHP of .744. This year, it's a robust .587. Lefties have learned that if they have any kind of decent breaking ball, Howard is an easy out.

3. The Geoff Jenkins experiment has failed.

He was supposed to be a RHP hitting specialist, but the only thing he has specialized in this year is making outs. He has a .724 OPS vs. RHP this year, and has been atrocious since August 6th, although he's hardly alone in that. Jayson Werth hits both lefties and righties better than Jenkins at this point.

4. Try batting Burrell 2nd, or 3rd or 4th (especially vs. LHP,) more often.

Ryan Howard isn't protecting him anymore, and there's no one below him in the order to drive him in when he walks, which is often. Look, Burrell is not going to be a 140 RBI a year guy. But he is a guy with a great knack for getting on base. Use that to your advantage rather than watching the Jenkins/Feliz/Bruntlett/Coste/Ruiz/Dobbs casserole continually struggle to get him home.

5. Get on their asses.

Look, there is something seriously wrong here. No sane, enlightened person would have believed that this team would rank 5th in ERA and 4th in runs per game at August 19th, but here they are. You're the manager Charlie. Act like it.

Here are starting lineups Charlie should consider. They may seem a little wild, but hopefully they are better than President Bush's suggestions-

vs. RHP
1. Victorino
2. Burrell
3. Utley
4. Howard
5. Rollins
6. Werth/Jenkins
7. Feliz
8. Ruiz

vs. LHP
1. Victorino
2. Utley
3. Werth
4. Burrell
5. Rollins
6. Feliz
7. Howard
8. Ruiz/Coste

Runs

This is a little known fact about the sport of baseball: In order to be successful, you typically have to score more runs than your opponents. When you achieve that objective, you receive more wins than losses and everyone goes to work the next day with a smile on their faces.

The Phillies used to be good at scoring runs. That was the thing that they did well. But apparently, that skill has gone away. Since June 17, the Phillies have averaged 3.77 runs per game. As a result, their record is 12-19 in that time span. Unless you have the 1992 Atlanta Braves pitching staff, it is going to be very difficult to rack up wins scoring signficantly less than 4 runs per game. Not surprisingly, also in that time span their team OPS is a pitiful .701.

I blame essentially everyone on the team not named Pat Burrell. Baseball is a game of ups and downs, but this is a Perfect Storm of everyone on the team being cold at the same time. Here are the individual OPS' in that time frame:

"Go-Go" Jimmy Rollins: .669 (69!!!!)
Shane "Killer" Victorino: .793
Chase "Margaritaville" Utley: .724
Ryan "Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun" Howard: .844
Pat "Girlicious" Burrell: .853
Geoff "No One Even Wants to Sponsor My Baseball Reference Page" Jenkins: .599
Jayson "Puffy Stickers" Werth: .807
Pedro "Garlic Parmesan" Feliz: .736
Carlos "Too Shitty To Even Be Given a Nickname" Ruiz: .454 (Including a .145 SLG)

It is frustrating to watch these guys continue to put 0's on the scoreboard. But I am hopeful that this offensive malaise will end shortly. Because that is what optimists do. That and score tons of chicks.

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Mike Hampton pitches for the Bravos todays against the Phils. Unfortunately, the game won't be on TV here in Chicago (Who doesn't want to watch another Yankees-Red Sox game? THANKS FOX!!!!), so I won't be able to witness first hand the first time a pitcher's arm literally falls off his body during a baseball game. But knowing Hampton's desire to pitch, he will probably pick it up, goto HUP and get it sewn back on, then pitch again in MLB in like three years.