According to Jayson Stark....

"There are signs that Ryan Howard wants an unprecedented contract - he won't be using Miguel Cabrera as his model. A trade before he reaches free agency (after the 2010 season) seems likely."

My sources tell me he wants to be paid in Euros and blank DVD-Rs. Definitely unprecedented.

Season's Over, Part Two

Aaron Rowand would not have stood for an 0-2 start. Neither would Larry Bowa. It's time to get rid of all these soft losers and get a bunch of guys who will care about the first week of the season. Fire Manuel, waive Burrell, trade Howard. THESE GUYS NEED A WAKEUP CALL.

Back to Planet Earth.

The Good: Cole Hamels was quite nasty tonight. The wind was blowing in significantly, but I don't care about the weather. I care about results. 8 innings, 5 hits, and one run should get it done on most nights.

The Bad: Except on this night when the offense only was able to muster up one hit. When International Pop Superstar Pedro Feliz is responsible for filling out the team's entire box score, it is going to be difficult to win.

The Ugly: A little off topic, but how can the NBA allow Miami to charge customers that actually want to attend their games? Their starting five is Ricky Davis, Earl Barron, Mark Blount, Chris Quinn, and Daquean Cook. Their bench is four deep and I've never heard of any of the four dudes. They have failed to score 80 points in six of their last eleven games. They've lost by an average of 20 points in their last four games. This might be the worst team to ever play in the NBA.

Missing Aaron Rowand

THE SEASON IS RUINED AFTER ONE GAME BECAUSE ROWAND IS GONE!

Of couse, Sam Donnellon says that's not his point in writing this article. But....... it is.

I love this too-

"Utley, who launched a sixth-inning home run, had the front of his shirt caked in dirt by game's end."

That's right- he's a real ballplayer. Hey, Tom Gordon- get some fucking dirt caked on you and maybe you'll be good like Chase. I don't care if you have to have jump in a dumpster before you take the mound, get dirty dammit!

Season's Over, Part One

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly from the season opener.

The Good: Chase Utley had a nice game at the plate with his first home run and two hits for the day. And he didn't bobble an easy groundball that led to a crucial run like another star player on the team who plays a middle infield position, but will remain nameless.

The Bad: Charlie Manuel continues to make me question why MLB teams have humans managing them and not monkeys. He is probably going to catch a lot of heat for pulling JC Romero for Tom Gordon, but that is one of those situations where he is only right if it works. If Romero stays in and gives up a ton of runs, then he is an idiot for not brining in Gordon. It is too early to stretch these relievers out.

My problem was his decision in the first inning of the first game of the year to have Victorino bunt Rollins over to third with no one out. The only way this decision makes sense is if one of the following is true:

• The Phillies offense is terrible
  
• The Phillies pitching staff is good enough to hold a one run lead for the next eight innings.
• It is 1948 and all the town is buzzing about how Thomas Dewey is going to make a great President.

It just boggles my mind that they would be playing for one run in the home opener in the first inning. The bottom of their order is not exactly Murderer's Row, so the Phillies need to squeeze every bit of offense from Rollins/Victorino/Utley/Howard/Burrell as possible. Sacrificing Victorino to move Utley over to third does not fall into that category.

The Ugly: Tom Gordon and his 135.01 ERA. I really enjoy it for the first week or so when pitchers have to carry around these monstrous ERAs after one or two bad outings. And Gordon was bad. Hopefully he can get one more year out of that arm of his or Brad Lidge has a time machine. Otherwise the last few innings are not going to be pleasant to watch.

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Pedro Feliz is going to be the whipping boy this year, at least here. And he did nothing to prove us wrong today, going 0-4 with two strikeouts, a double play, and leaving three guys on base. But hey, he might hit 20 home runs and everyone knows how awesome home runs are!!!

Your 2008 Philadelphia Phillies

It's opening day, so what the fuck, here's a Phillies preview.

They're not winning the division. Hey, if they do win it again, that's great, and it'll be a drunk and happy time if they do. But with the Mets adding the best pitcher in the world to their already good team and the Braves looking like they'll win more than 84 games this year, the Phils are going to be in a massively bloody and gory battle, replete with missing limbs and infected pus-filled wounds, for the division, let alone the Wild Card.

Offensively, they're in very good shape, although it'll be hard to match last season's incredible 892 runs scored unless MLB suddenly allows DH's in the NL. Their 2008 PECOTA projection is 839 runs scored, and who can argue with the mighty PECOTA program? No one. The Phils should have one of the top three offenses in the NL, as they usually do. The loss of Aaron Rowand's offense will be countered by the addition of Geoff Jenkins (vs. RHP anyway) and increased playing time for Jayson Werth. And the loss of Rowand's grit will be countered by the addition of grits to the players' pre-game meal. Also, reports that Pedro Feliz is an upgrade on offense are as inaccurate as Willie Green from 3 point range. He's 32 and has a career OBP of .288. Yeah, he'll hit 25 HR's, but he is not going to push the offense into bold new high-scoring places. But that's okay- healthy seasons from top producers Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, Pat Burrell (YES PAT BURRELL), and Jimmy Rollins means a potent offense and plenty of support for the pitching staff.

And the pitching staff is going to need it. Obviously there are high hopes for another great season from Cole Hamels and the return to starting of Brett Myers. But after that, things get buggy. Jamie Moyer is a savvy vet, and old war-horse, and not totally decrepit at 45 but is coming off his worst season since 2004. Kyle Kendrick did an amazing job last year and is fun to prank but will have a hard time duplicating that success now that's he's a known commodity. And Adam Eaton fucking sucks.

In the bullpen, new closer Brad Lidge of course is starting the season on the DL because the Phillies' training staff is on the Mets' payroll (conspiracy theory in development). This leaves the closing duties to Tom Gordon, who was so ineffective last season that he was only the 4th best reliever on the Philadelphia Phillies. JC Romero, he of the 1.24 ERA with the Phils in '07, is as streaky as decent relievers get. Evidence of his streakiness- his career ERA is 4.30, but he's never had a single season with an ERA in the 4's. They're all higher or lower. Expect something a little closer to, but hopefully not higher than, that career ERA number from him this season. Ryan Madson started pitching very well before he got hurt last year; hopefully he used a bookmark so he can easily pick up where he left off. And other than that, the 'pen is full of unproven and below average stuff, like an Old Navy store.

As far as intangibles go, you can expect them to be very good when the Phillies are winning, and very poor when the Phillies are losing. It's frigging sports; teams have fun when they are winning and are miserable when they're losing.

Overall, after last year's amazing run the expectations for the Phillies this season are extremely high. But the reality is they're in a tough division and have a pitching staff of dubious quality. This sums it up- the Mets went out and got Johan Santana; the Phillies went out and got Kris and Anna Benson. Advantage- Mets (unless you're really into bitchy right-wing women with huge racks). Put the questionable pitching together with the Phillies explosive offense, and they're an 87 win team. A few things break right, and they'll win 90.

And that's my final predicition- 90 wins, and the Wild Card spot. Go Phils.